10 Questions to Awaken Connection
Cultivate better relationships with literally anyone
Asking better questions is one of the secret keys to cultivating better connections with the people around you. But sometimes it can be challenging to get creative and allow ourselves the freedom to go there with someone.
But life loves a paradox, and the more you put yourself out there and allow yourself to go deep and get real with others, the more you learn about yourself.
These questions are designed to take your conversations up a few notches and open the door to deep vulnerability, intimacy, and connection.
What is the thing we are here to discover together?
I like to approach potential connections with a sense of adventure. It helps me work through the insecurity I sometimes feel when I’m in a room full of new people or total strangers. I imagine that me and this person I’m curious about are both operatives on a similar mission, with the singular goal of finding a place of resonance. What is something you might discover together?
What is your hidden genius or buried treasure?
It’s not always easy to let our most precious parts be seen and appreciated. That is the gift of this question — giving someone the opportunity to share parts of themselves that right now are relegated to the shadows. What is the precious gift this person doesn’t often showcase or share — or perhaps even perceive? And why?
What is a false truth about you?
False truths are exactly what they sound like — ideas we’ve taken on or stories we’ve inherited that don’t reflect the reality of who we are or what we believe right now. Sometimes these truths go undisturbed until we dare question their legitimacy. So…have you identified any false truths that are ready to be updated?
What have I taught you?
Everyone you interact with has the opportunity to teach you something. Sometimes the lesson will feel amazing — and other times, not so much. Sometimes the lesson will wake you up to what isn’t working or right for you in the long run. Regardless, a fun place to explore in your relationships is what you have taught each other. Surfacing these lessons and themes can be illuminating, and reveal aspects of yourself that you didn’t realize were impacting others so deeply. You might be surprised at how you’ve inspired or influenced others.
What is a fear you are ready to release?
When you name the limiting ideas that are controlling your actions, you give yourself the opportunity to take your power back. By acknowledging a fear, you make it less invisible.
Paradoxically, this gives you more freedom to play with fear — and thus transform it into fuel. What fears do you refuse to let own you any longer?
What makes you feel free?
What does freedom mean to you? What does it look like in action? How are you choosing to cultivate different forms of freedom in your life?
I invite you to play with this question in big and small ways. What are the big freedoms you crave? What are the small freedoms that shape your days?
Find out the story behind someone’s name.
You can ask this question any way you want.
What does this person know about their name’s meaning? Were they named after anyone in particular? Is there a story behind their name? Names can be a powerful window into someone’s world. Use this question to investigate all the beautiful details.
How would you like to impact others? The world?
Everyone here has a mission. Regardless of whether you know your role at this point in time, consider the legacy you desire to leave behind. What kind of things do you want to be remembered for? What ripple happens because of your life?
What does your wildness feel like?
This question is about the inner wilderness that resides inside you. How do you relate to your animal instinct? What about you is untamed? Who are you when you let go of the need to control or show up in a certain way? Wildness can be experienced in many ways. Show us your take.
What is one major theme of your life?
Consider: your life is a tapestry woven of many threads: experiences, stories, beliefs.
Look back over your past and note the patterns. What is a major thread or theme in your life? There is most likely more than one that surfaces when you reflect back. If you could summarize your life in one tweet, for instance, what would it be?
Pssst – These questions and so many more powerful experiments to expand your world are available in my book The Art of the Experiment.
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Katharine Hargreaves is a spiritual advisor, facilitator, and initiated medicine womxn. Her first book, The Art of the Experiment, is a transformational manual for people who want to change their life but don’t know where to start. For more information on Katharine and how to work with her, visit her website.
